In my ignorance I think that I am waiting for the eternal wedding with
You. When in fact You have told me innumerable times that I am no
different from You. Union with You is Bliss. There is nothing greater.
Although embodied as a man, when I think of our union it is with the
shyness and coyness of a young bride. This is surely on account of your
greatness for you are BRhat. You are beyond gender so I can conceive of
your form in any manner that is pleasing to my mind. It is Guru who was
our matchmaker. Like the swan in NalopAkhyAnam he told me of your beauty
and greatness. It is assertion of the male ego that kept me from
uniting with You for so long, and yet even that is not true for we have
always and will always be together, for it is only I who create Time by
imagining disunion or separation from You. Forgetfulness of Devi is the
cause of ignorance. That separation has been sung of by many devotional saints. Then the mind imagines how fragrant and sweet smelling is
the incense at the time of our wedding. How sweet are the bhakshaNams
and more so the embrace of the Beloved! How thrilling is the sight
of the Beloved's face outshining the sun and the moon! How tender is the
touch of this Beloved? How lovely is the sound of Your voice brought
forth by the mantra Om namah shivAya!
Now you laugh and say that all
world experience is our Union in Bliss! Wish that I might see that
permanently and never falter in my wedding vows. For it is I who have
been unfaithful- not seeing You in everything, not smelling, tasting,
touching or hearing You in everything. But Your Grace gives Guru and
strength to Your devotees to be eternally wedded to You. Please grant
eternal wisdom to see this truth at all times and not just
occasionally.
Note: In the Shiva PurANa I just read a story after writing this experience of the incarnation of Shiva as the swan that tells Nala of DamayantI!
